You might have noticed this:
When you talk to people they seem to blurt out random stuff that is related to them.
And it sucks if people do that constantly. There is no flow. It repels you. You hate the conversation and if it gets too much: You just leave it!
People listen through a filter in a sense of:
„How does this affect me?“
Ok. Let’s see that from your perspective.
I already talked about this here, too:
1.) It sucks because you kill the flow
If someone tells you a story suddenly a thought might pop up in your mind and you think:
„I am gonna say that now.“
And the other person keeps on talking you think:
„Now I could say this!“
And no! You don’t get your chance. What happens? You don’t really listen anymore.
When do I get my chance to do my opinion on this? You want to tell them. You are in your head. You are no more present. You might even make the impression to be interested. But you are not. Not anymore.
„But gosh! The other person is talking and talking and talking. Does this person ever stop?
Hello! For god’s sake! I got a thought in my mind.
Now there! Oh my god! Another point. And…“
2.) You don’t like it because it’s not about you
It’s all about me, me, me! if you don’t even know it you want to express yourself. It’s about you. You refer the topics to you.
„I was thinking this conversation is about me.“
„Why is everyone thinking this conversation is about them?“
3.) You don’t think about how it affects the other person
Think always about:
„How does this affect the other person?“
Be aware of this.
4.) You are always waiting for your turn to talk
Not only all the points from before apply. No! When do you finally get your chance to talk about what interests you? You want to say so much! Is it related to the topic before? Not necessarily. Does it interest the other person?
„Why? Is that even important? I want to talk now! It’s my turn!“
This is like coming from a competitive frame. One person wants to be heard. Then you are the second one that wants to be heard.
5.) It sucks because you are filtering
What most people do:
Because it feels good to give their own opinions.
Waiting for their turn of talk
When do I get my chance to give my opinion on this.
You have to know all of it.
How you’re emotions are affecting them.
And last but not least:
To make a connection with people, offer them something about what they want.