Some time before I wrote an article about: What is an Emotional Connection?
Why an Emotional Connection?
You might ask. And I will be happy to explain to you. 🙂
An emotional basis is very important for any kind of relationship.
No matter if it is in business, personally or with a friend.
I guess you are very familiar with those types of conversations where you had a blast with someone else and you exchange numbers.
Maybe you even call the other person some hours later.
And you ask yourself why?
You might have had loads of fun together that’s true, but:
Who is the other person? Do you know her really better now?
And does she or he know who you are? Do only you know? Does only the other side know?
An emotional connection is the foundation for a long-term relationship.
- to get to know someone
- Deep Connection
- The wish to see each other again
- Being relaxed when being intimate
Mostly you might tell a little bit about yourself or will hear a little bit about yourself by the other person.
Or you might make the mistake to talk to early about yourself and distinguish the little flame.
Don’t do that please. Give the other person space to be herself and to tell about her.
Introduce pauses as well, so she can talk back to you. Give her time. Don’t make the silence awkward.
Or it’s the other way round. Very unsharp, right? What do you get out of that?
That’s the same level of sharpness the experience of the togetherness is. Bare to none. Very unsharp.
It’s important to dissolve this unsharpness and to bring it to another level.
Many books, seminars and courses state the same:
what you say is not important, more important is:
HOW you say it.
I will clearly add:
It’s ALSO important WHAT’S said.
That it is ALSO important WHAT IS really being said will become very clear here.
Emotions can trigger thoughts,
thoughts can trigger emotions.
It’s about experiencing each others reality. And penetrating it.
And not only stating and relating everything to your own reality.
It’s not an emotional one-way street, no dead end.
It’s a togetherness. A team in harmony. That gives space.
It’s a place where it is safe to be oneself.
I’ll show you how you can create an honest deep relation to another human being.
And also the pitfalls that might prevent this.
Many people don’t learn any more about how to make the important step.
They don’t want to risk anything. Because they don’t want to loose. And not to win anymore.
Playing not to lose is preventing everything.
Playing to win is risking something.
As a man, it might always be a little strange for us to build a deep emotional connection to someone.
Because we’re not so connected to our feelings. Especially if our upbringing took place in Europe for example.
Many countries here don’t raise us men to be very emotional. The opposite is the case. Don’t cry. Don’t be sad. Don’t be angry.
Don’t be proud. Don’t seek approval. Don’t this. Don’t that. Don’t everything.
This confuses the shit out of us. If we shouldn’t do all these things, what do we have to do? No one tells us. No one seems to know.
And the ones that seemingly know often times will be debunked as driven by their ego. They just appear to know that. But they actually don’t know as well.
And therefore they don’t create the effort to move away from superficial conversation to a profound conversation.
They keep it light. Smalltalk. Like showing them I have no interest whatsoever. And this is not what they even want to communicate.
They WANT to keep it longer. They WANT to keep it lasting many times. But to no avail. They fail.
To find the right way to start this is not even that difficult.
But how to bring it deeper from there?
The Inner Frame
If the place you’re coming from is not the right one you will create a certain level of impact that can be quite strong.
But you’re still away from the full potential of impact this skill can create if you really master it.
So it’s important to have the right mindset about that.
It’s not about forcing the other people involved in the conversation.
It’s not about spilling them over like domino stones to convince them.
It’s about sharing what you offer.
This will only work from the right place and the correct inner frame.
Now you might put the question:
Can I get there?
Sure. No doubt at all. And I will help you and lead you to get there.
I will show you the differences to the better and how to get there and accompany you from the very first step.
Empathy means to put yourself into the other person’s shoes. See yourself from their perspective out of their own eyes.
You will notice at least two things:
- This makes a lot more things relatable
- You get rid of judgment on many levels. (Not on all levels though)
- This will show the other person that you got a great social awareness level
- You can basically feel what the other person is feeling at that very level
- You start talking to her where she’s at. Not where you want to be.
To show you the topic empathy from another angle you need to have mastered the first steps already:
To be able to build an emotional connection
That means you’re coming from the right place by already having absorbed the right mindset.
You’ve already built the skills to go deep.
You’ve added the vibe to emphasize everything.
You know how to read the other person.
Understanding and Recognizing
Why is this whole topic not so easy and where are the challenges you will have to master?
Many things related to communication are very subtle. Even when we just relate to words here.
To show this to be able to recognize those nuances you need a trained eye and ear and you need to have the practical skilled mastered.
In this case, we can say:
Only applied knowledge is real knowledge.
Just reading here and not executing on it,
won’t teach you much. Use it in everyday life.
Things you can do to sharpen your connecting skills:
- If the women selling the newspapers are yawning, ask them if they have had a hard day.
- If the loo attendant is near the toilet while you’re still there, offer a friendly and genuine honest “Thank you.”
- You can apply it as well if the waitress still appears with a genuine open warm smile, while the environment got chaotic because it is late. Just ask her how she learned to be so disciplined and to have so much energy when it’s already that late.
- If the bouncer doesn’t let you in, offer a little short talk about that this must be hard to him, that you understand.
Because people will always beg him to let him in that they are great and so on. But he has to do his job. And how can he know that these people are no trouble? And you don’t want to discuss. Just show some empathy by putting yourself in his shoes.
- If you happen to talk to the owner of a little restaurant talk to him, when he is cleaning up for example and say:
“I can imagine that this must be a lot of work for you. You got a very long day. Do you even have time for yourself? Or only on the weekends? How did you develop that endurance? By the job?”
- If you meet a nurse, show her that you understand she is caring and helps the people. She has an important and responsible job.
Write me a comment or an email and tell me what had changed so far in your life since your applying this.
What does an emotional connection do for the other person?
It gives her a good feeling because you accept her and you don’t reject anything of her personality.
Neither how she looks, nor what she does. And for sure you can still tell your opinion as well.
What does it do for you?
It gives you a good feeling. Because you’re sharing.
And if you’re coming from a place where every encounter with another human is a present,
it makes you feel good.
If we don’t know what we’re looking for we can not recognize it.
Improving Quality of Life
You will see that a deep emotional connection will improve your life quality a lot.
Why? Because long-term relationships need a certain level of trust.
No matter if those relationships are personally related because you fell in love with a woman.
No matter if they are business related. And if they are just because of friendship as well.
It makes a difference if you just know if your conversational partner wants to be free
or if you even know what freedom means for her. That’s a totally different story.
If you have ever shared this feeling with another human being you will never want to miss out on it again.
What you will miss without an Emotional Connection
You will lack those friendships where you can talk about basically anything. No matter how stupid you might feel or how embarrassing it might be for you to tell a secret that you normally couldn’t share.
You will lack a very good relationship where you can share a lot of things and have an established bond between the two of you.
You will lack lasting communications or deep talks.
You will lack understanding and maybe repel other people without even knowing.
You will reduce your career opportunities.
You will miss out on a lot of benefits when visiting certain venues or being in a difficult situation.
You will have a hard time in some countries making acquaintances if you’d like to do so.
And if you want to have kids later, they will probably not learn it anymore nowadays.
Give yourself a Hand
Please don’t let that happen and give yourself a chance. Try it. And see what happens.
I’d be happy if you could share your experiences with me here.
Let’s reintegrate this skill into our society again.
Don’t let us down. I know you can do it.
Have a nice day.