Let’s be honest:
Do you know those 36 questions? (And there is one question more, read on…)
Almost everyone has heard about the 36 questions to make someone fall in love.
It’s about reading those questions aloud to each other. Everyone has to ask AND to answer them.
But what you most likely don’t know:
Why do they work?
Because you are most likely to end up sharing very private things you might not have even shared with your closest friends.
It sounds a little bit crazy. And not enough with that. After reading the questions aloud and sharing what shall be shared, there is one thing left:
Look into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes straight.
This should make strangers fall in love.
An experiment that was invented by psychologist, honed into a process ensuring falling in love.
They are separated in 3 parts.
The questions get more intense during the process. Just seeing them in written form seems almost to be innocent. But that’s not the case.
When you start thinking about the answers you’ll give to your conversation partner a lot of emotional investment is at play.
It gets intense.
Normally a lot coincidences lead to a intimate relationship over time.
The question compress this time frame to give you a narrow path to walk on to connect.
But it’s a very rigid framework though.
It’s a given set of questions to supercharge the connection and therefore creating intimacy and love.
Do they always work?
At least if you’re not a victim of saying this:
The questions are also not superficial and boring like this:
Where do you work?
What do you do for a living?
Do you like it?
Is it difficult?
This is not inspiring while it doesn’t intrigue your potential partner to open up.
But it’s very different with the set of these 36 questions.
Every answer can bring up more questions, thus the floodgates of talking and getting to know each other open big time.
It brings a lot of structure into the evening and throws the awkward silence out of the window.
While it also sheds light on things you will have in common without even being aware yet.
Questions about things that no one knows about you yet.
Therefore it creates intimacy.
Here are the questions for this set:
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Those are even more related to your identity.
This means: Who are you as a person?
1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
4. What do you value most in a friendship?
5. What is your most treasured memory?
6. What is your most terrible memory?
7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
8. What does friendship mean to you?
9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
This is clearly about togetherness.
Being a couple.
Figuring out things together.
Sharing intimate things and turning a me and you into an us.
Those set of questions has been created by Dr. Aaron as part of his study
because he wanted to figure out how to make people fall in love with each other.
The New York Times even shared a podcast that is called:
You can listen to it here:
1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
And I’ve added a question number 37: (3 x 12 = 36 + 1 = 37)
13. Do you like horses or dolphins? Why? What characteristics that they have can you see in your partner?
Take your partner’s hands in your hands. Hold them. Clasp your fingers.
And now look into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes straight. Don’t break eye contact. Hold it.
Want to fall in love? Just do this… Did it work for you?
What also is guaranteed by the structure of those question set:
You don’t hurt the 4 important points:
1.) Waiting for the topic referred back to you.
2.) You won’t think: Do I get it?
3.) Neither will you think: When is it my turn to speak?
4.) And also this is kept away: Am I being tested? – Did I pass the test?
Because you would be basically thinking:
What does this have to do with me?
Because many times we are not aware when talking to another person:
Which experience do we give our conversational partner and in this case potential partner or spouse in spe.
Thus we often rip the rug from under the conversation and basically all positive energy goes down the drain.
Enjoy your evening. In this case: Definitely alone. At least not with this potential partner. This is gone.
If you want to know more about these common issues, just figure out how to improve your conversations big time.
Don’t let coincidence lead you to rare success.
Did you fall in love or was Dr. Aaron wrong in your case?
Share your experiences.
What’s your experience with this?
Leave a comment below.
P.S.: You can learn to create such questions yourself instantly and spontaneously.
As well as you can master to do the same without interrogating which is also possible.
If you are already on the road to build deep trust, try to avoid the most common pitfalls.