First, I wish you a happy Easter and I hope that you do not have to work during the weekend. If so, I hope at least that you have a lot of fun, and it is interesting for you. But now let’s continue with the subject of this post.
Your House. My House.
In the past, I always thought this topic is not much to talk about and will come to a quick end: Connection. Establish a connection. There would be a point where everything would be said. No, it’s not. Not yet.
There are always new issues and points of view aka perspectives that are important to build upon and how to deepen a connection.
However, they are all subject to the same principles. So far no new principle has emerged. And that’s the most important thing to know for learning everything you need to know about the topic.
If you want to know someone really deeply or create a deeper connection, then there is no room for you to be like:
- “You should!”
- “You have to!”
- “Come on! Think positive!”
“Don’t think so negatively.”
Why? Because we want to know who is our counterpart. And not what she should be or should not be.
And “Don’t think so negative” would not allow her to think negatively while being around.
But we do not want to limit others at all. That’s why I want to make you aware of these things.
We want to completely give our conversation partner the space to be the woman he is, not the person we would like to have.
Without evaluating or judging anything. No. We just show genuine interest and want to know why she is doing all these things.
And how. And, overall, how does this make her feel?
Let’s talk about men and women.
Imagine their (mental) world as a house. It has a door, windows, different rooms.
Thoughts, beliefs, and an identity. Identity is the fundament of the house. And the substance.
Then everything surrounding her is the house. She’s just somewhere in her house with all her thoughts or consciousness. If you give her no space to be like she is, you treat her as if she were only allowed to be in the bathroom, otherwise, you do not accept her.
I think now it will be much clearer. This is her house. Not yours. So she can do and leave in her house what she wants.
And not what you want.
Or like it would be if I tell you, from now on there is every day your favorite food. I think for a while that would be totally cool. But what if I tell you, from now on, there is ONLY your favorite food? Everything else is taboo. How would you think about that after a few weeks? You probably throw up thinking of your favorite food after a few days.
You’re inviting her into your house. Your world. No matter how indirectly you’d like to look at it. Everything is always filtered through your perception, your perception of reality. And also you have your experiences, vows, and beliefs, as well as your identity, ego, and what else exists.
Honestly, how much would you like, if she would say to you “get into the bathroom”, everything else is strange? “I do not want you to move freely in your house, or I will not like you anymore.”
This sounds so strange that you are now probably saying:
That’s just crazy.
Exactly. This is crazy, not giving someone space to be like the person intrinsically is.
So the next time you’re talking to someone, check to see if you’re busting this person in his own mental house. Do not just say keywords that are triggered in your head, just to get rid of a topic that you’ve had in your head for so long. Keep it. Respect what you’ve been offered.
Now some may come up and say: But then I am not allowed to hold on to my opinions.
Of course, you can. Firstly it’s important to be interested in the other person. Things to ask, it’s not about evaluating or judging.
And to shed light on this from a different angle,
do not take away one’s food.
Yes, I know. That was quite a leap, and that’s still seriously what I’m all about here.
So what do I mean by that?
I mentioned on the page pitfalls:
“You shall not snatch the subject.”
This symbolizes the food.
That would be like taking the food away from her in her own house.
And then she enters the bathroom in her own house because she thinks she belongs there.
What the heck. Nobody wants to be treated like this. You don’t want this, neither do I.
Erm… I still didn’t get it.
Not yet clicked, still?
Ok, well then again from another point of view.
Everyone has his circle.
Do you see these two people? Man And Woman. Around both is drawn a circle.
And they overlap exactly where both have something superficial in common, in the middle.
The circles symbolize almost the same as before in the example of the house.
Both have a house. A few things are the same.
Only the foundation of the house is respectively completely different.
Men often have the habit of trying to pull the woman into their circle.
The circle symbolizes how she is, her personality, identity, and so on. What she’s all about.
It is not a symbol for a frame in this case.
To be drawn into the circle would mean here, he wants her like his blurry vision in his mind.
For the time of the conversation, during a relationship, during a night.
So he does not invite her into the conversation but wants her to be completely drawn into his circle.
So she can only behave like this and be what he wants her to be.
And many men are unconscious of this fact.
I see it every day.
If you’re also in this reality, congratulations. Because now you have recognized that, so you can do something about that.
Besides, stop trying to spread your thoughts, if you just want to connect, in the sense of keywords get rid of.
What do I mean by that?
Do you know people who take everything you say to blurt out topics of their keywords they had in their minds for so long?
If you tell them something about you and your hobbies,
or things you just like to do always say:
Yeah, I had that happen that time, too. And then I did this and then happened that.
And they think now they’re about to build a connection. No. Never. This creates distance and toxic energy.
If you make this mistake in a conversation 3 times or even more, I promise: Most of the time your conversation partner will leave this talk. Or not talk on this level anymore.
Why? Because this brings up the feeling in her that you don’t understand her.
Be aware of that and stay alert.
Stay in her reality to get a better hang of it.
Don’t always snatch the topic or if so, relate it to her.
If you’re doing it right you’ll get the chance to talk about everything you’re all about anyway.
And then you got plenty of time to talk about all, you’d like to tell.
Don’t rush it. 🙂
Have fun and much success in your conversations.
P.S.: Oh well: and if you respect these two issues from now on, respect, they also don’t distinguish that little “fire” anymore.
I mean, let your conversation partner talk. How? Introduce silences. Just assume that your conversation partner might interrupt you.